What we lose, and what they stand to lose.

According to "U.S. Laws for the legally Married," although every state varies a bit in its offerings, every U.S. state has between 170-350 connected with legal marriage, and there are more than 1, 138 Federal laws relating to marriage and the rights and responsibilities therein .

So why marriage and not civil unions? They are hardly the same. Civil unions provide only state protections which end when you cross the state line (unless directly in another state which recognizes civil unions). This becomes problematic if the couple decides to move, or if the couple shares a child. Not only is your civil union disregarded, but your child no longer has parents who are legally related to each other. Civil unions also include no Federal benefits, which for a surviving partner and child means no social security - which could assist in their time of great difficulty. Ultimately, by insisting on the word and legal parity of "Marriage," it equalizes citizens and their families.

A relational hierarchy opens the door to further discrimination, and we see this currently. For example, corporations that offer health insurance to legally married couples often do not grant the same benefits to those in a civil union. The word matters.

In personal and economic fronts, same-sex couples continue to suffer. There are often no discount memberships at the gym for your family, no social security benefits, and no tax breaks. Over time, this becomes dramatic.

Here are some examples of how extreme this penalty becomes (thanks to "partners task force - legal marriage, money lost"):

These numbers are likely much larger now given the increasing cost of benefits...but "indicate the value of benefits provided to the partners of gay and lesbian employees at the San Francisco Examiner in 1989 [if the person was making a salary of $40,000/yr]. That is to say, there were none.

Salary Breakdown:


Health Insurance
Spouse gets employer-provided group health coverage worth about $250/month.
Partner gets nothing.

Dental Insurance
Spouse gets coverage worth $42.27/month.
Partner zero.

Vision
Spouse gets eyeglasses and contacts under vision plan worth $6.34/month.
Partner gets none.

Life Insurance
The employer provides a $5,000 life insurance plan.
Spouse gets the benefit automatically if the employee dies.
Partner gets benefit only if he is named as beneficiary.

Bereavement Leave
Up to three days paid, worth $480, for the death of a spouse or close relative.
No time off is guaranteed for the death of a partner or a member of partner’s family.

Pension
Employee can name anyone as beneficiary. But if employee dies before retirement, spouse automatically gets $800/month pension plus two week’s pay for each year employee worked.
A partner would get the severance pay, but not the $800/month.

Social Security
Again, if employee died, a spouse upon reaching age 60 could receive average monthly benefits of $492.
A partner is ineligible.

Or to put it another way, if your partner worked for ten years, she or he would have made at least $55,890 less than a married co-worker — and — if you outlived your partner by ten years, you could lose $8,000 in pension payments, and you will never get $4,920 of your partner’s Social Security benefits. "

These statistics exclude the multiple and concurrent difficulties faced by Gay and Lesbian citizens upon the death of their partner. Another example given by the same source reports:

"The San Jose Mercury News, on July 16, 2003, gave an example of the financial impact to a partner before the California Registered Partners act was expanded in September 2003:

Take the case of a Silicon Valley couple who bought a home for $100,000 that is now worth $500,000. If the husband died, his widow’s property tax would remain the same. Disregarding annual property tax adjustments, the tax bill would continue to be based on $100,000.

Until last week, that tax rule did not apply to any same-sex couples. A surviving domestic partner would see her partner’s half of the $400,000 appreciation — or $200,000 — reassessed. Assuming a baseline 1 percent property tax rate, that would translate into an extra $2,000 property tax bill each year.

The savings of $2,000 per year is what married couples already received."



This, and so much more, is what we lose everyday. However, the tables have rarely been turned. What do they stand to lose?

Currently, the economy benefits by same-sex couples not participating in the benefits of marriage - they stand to lose economically if we do so. However, I would argue that the cost will be far greater if we are not granted the rights of marriage and full equality.

Same-sex couples who are well-educated, skilled, and thrive in their careers may indeed benefit the economy by their "no-breaks" participation...however, they are also among the segment of the workforce in the best position to relocate for better opportunities in areas where their relationships are respected. The most successful businesses are recognizing this, and according to the Human Rights Campaign Foundation’s release of the “The State of the Workplace 2005-2006," the "report shows that, for the first time, a majority of Fortune 500 companies, 253 (51 percent), offer domestic partner health insurance benefits. In addition, 430 (86 percent) of the organizations include sexual orientation in their non-discrimination policies, and 81 include gender identity and/or expression, marking a tenfold increase from 2001."

You don't see business thriving in the south, and the midwest, and there seems to be a correlation between the geographic areas of tolerance and the congregating of successful businesses. Open arms to gay and lesbian people often means an openness to those of other cultures, ethnicities, languages, and religions. If you want the best talent the world has to offer, you have to provide an environment where they can thrive - moreover, a place they can live and feel respected.

Economist Richard Florida stated in his book "the flight of the creative class," that there are three elements that successful cities require and seem to include - Talent, Technology and Tolerance. I would further this notion.

As the world expands the marketplace and the doors of business becomes more and more open to same-sex couples, it is no longer acceptable to simply be tolerated. If I can go anywhere in the world, I will go to a place where I am equal. True integration is what people will begin to demand more and more as other countries offer this.

It would be shameful to say "black people are tolerated here," just as it is shameful to suggest that gay/lesbian people should be content with being tolerated in certain areas of America. If I can marry and move to a lovely city where I am as equal as any other citizen, that is quite a carrot to dangle in my midst. It may just be tempting enough to leave this country I love. In leaving, you bring your skills, your wealth (consumerism/taxes), your educational offerings, and your contributions.

America may have been able to attract the best and brightest some time ago...but as the doors close to those who are from other countries, as we berate and misunderstand those of different ethnicities and religions, and as we deny all of our citizens the equality that comes with marriage, America will lose its standing.

You can no longer treat us differently, initiate laws to restrict our relational expression, not protect our families, and simultaneously try to benefit from our education, initiative, income, and creativity. You cannot expect that we will continue to be exploited and simultaneously offer you all the fruits of our labor.

- movement

"Any law that degrades human personality is unjust"

Martin Luther King Jr. once penned these words in his famous "letter from a Birmingham Jail." It struck me how poignantly and directly most of his utterances apply to the same-sex marriage movement, to glbt rights, and how willing he was to take a stand.

The differences, however, are striking.

There is no movement for GLBT rights that is willing to participate in civil disobedience on a grand scale, there are no masses and outcry. There is complacency, resignation and a type of learned helplessness that often afflicts those oppressed. It happens for a number of reasons: when people start believing that they are as inherently deviant as some might portray them to be, they become comfortable in their lives and forget those who continue to struggle, or they feel the situation so resistant to change that it is not worth the effort. I am not among these.

What can we do? There is so much we can do. But...what are you willing to risk? You cannot expect that those of privilege will give up that privilege without some type of tension.

In small scale, we can live our lives openly and proudly as we see fit. We can hold the hands of those we love, kiss them tenderly if the urge strikes, and work for change in every aspect of our lives. For some, the threats of violence or harm will keep them oppressed...for others, this freedom in our communities must not go without action. As it comes naturally to you, you should do what you feel led to do. In doing so, you open the doorway to others through even this simple act. A young glbt person who sees the courage of one will be more likely to replicate it, a couple just starting out may feel more welcomed in the neighborhood - or more likely to move there, a couple of opposite-sexed composition may begin to realize how similar to you they really are.

When people have to see you, there is no denying your existence or shared space in this world. The laws that are meant to make you feel badly, or second-class are no longer doing their work. There is nothing as oppositional to oppression, than refusing invisibility. This is recognition on the smallest scale.

You may be a gay or lesbian person reading this blog who does not feel particularly inspired to act. For reasons of safety, this is an understandable thing. We all want safety, and not everyone is willing to take a risk of this scale - admittedly much larger for some than for others. But can you ride on the backs of others? Can you take advantage of the rights that come only if others do the work on your behalf? Can you sleep knowing that somewhere someone is losing their job because they told a co-worker that they were gay, or that they lost their child because they have a relationship with another woman. These are unacceptable in America. How can a country who claims to fight for freedom, deny it to so many of its own?

In the end, as so well stated in the same letter as referenced above, "We will have to repent in this generation not merely for the hateful words and actions of the bad people, but for the appalling silence of the good people."

The truth is, there are people in this country who suffer everyday unjustly. Who live lives of desparation, internal shame and fear that needn't be so. This country cannot assume that it can reap the benefits of our work and of our taxes, but offer us second-class status in return. The lack of recognition of our families, the unequal distribution of benefits and rights will not be able to be sustained. The wealthy and those will skill and ability, will simply move elsewhere.

Let us not be complacent - and not be afraid.

If you love another of the same gender...marry them, demand benefits, hold their hand and kiss them at will. If you know someone who you love, who is glbt - stand for them, write your congressman, join groups of support, talk about their cause openly and with compassion. Imagine your own life, for a moment, with the restrictions and stigma faced everyday to varying degrees with glbt Americans.

We can all make a difference. Just do something, anything, to contribute.

-movement.